Yoder on Pre-Marital Sex

"The ethical question is not whether the sex-with-true-love-without-benefit-of-clergy is by definition sinful, but whether "true love" can be honest, can be true love, if it dodges the honest outward expressions which are its normal social form...Therefore what is questionable about "pre-marital sex" is not that it is sex, nor that it is "pre-marital" (which, by definition, it is not), but that the avoidance of legality and publicity, the postponement of common residence and finances, and the withholding of the public pledge, constitute both a handicap for the marriage's success and prima facie reason for doubt as to whether the "love" is "true." This is not sex-without-marriage. It is marriage-without-honesty. It is not that the hasty youngsters sin against backward cultural mores while "fulfilling themselves" and consummating their own love; it is that they sin against themselves, their love and their belonging to one another, by depriving their love of the social consummation, the orderly cohabitation, the fresh air, without which it risks being stunted or amputated."


- John Howard Yoder